Birth Partners & Doulas: The Best Team
"You want to hire a what?!"
"I don't want her to take my place."
"What's the point if I'm going to be with you?"
"What the heck is a doula? Is she a witch?"
Believe me, I've heard it all. Guess what else? I get it. I didn't know the value of a doula until I became one. I mean, you're investing hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars into one woman and you're not even sure what exactly she does.
I. Get. It.
Convincing your partner is more than half the battle.
So allow me to take this opportunity to address the biggest hesitancies I hear from partners during consultations.
"I feel like she will take my place, and I really want to be the person who supports you."
Looking across the board, there is a wide spectrum of how involved partners desire to be when it comes to birth. I like to get a good idea pretty early on of what kind of role you want to play and I adjust accordingly. If you want to be the sole source of support, that's how it will be and I will only take over when you need a break. If you want to be in the corner and away from all the happenings, I am happy to be the support for you. All of this being said, I would never come between you supporting your loved one through this day. I am here to bring you two together as a team and it is my job to help YOU help her.
"What's the point in paying all of this money for someone if I will be with you?"
All labors look different. They can last 4 hours. They can last 50 hours. Think, for a second, if you were mama's only support person, and she needed someone to help her through every single contraction for an unknown amount of time. Do you think you may need to use the bathroom at some point? Eat? Sleep? Take care of *your* needs along with someone else's? I had a 45 hour labor, and I know that my husband couldn't have supported me the way he did had we not had someone alongside us tagging in when he needed a break. Birth is not only hard work for mama, it's hard work for you too.
"Won't we have a nurse to help us with those things?"
You will have a labor nurse with you for the duration of your labor. However, that nurse has other mamas to care for as well as other tasks, so she cannot be present in the room with you the entire time. You don't have to page your doula; she's already there. Also: There are some incredible nurses out there, but there are a few who are more likely to pressure you into certain interventions. This is where your doula comes in.